Based in Frome, somerset, #fitMess is a blog by Joanna Beale. Her posts draw on her work as a personal trainer, as well as her own personal past experience of significant obesity.  Her general focus is overall wellness and body positivity.

Fragile moments

We are told to be brave, to keep our chin up; we are told to be strong, taught not to show weakness or tears. 

There are times when even the strongest person must crack.

My mum taught me how to drive on a motorway. In the last two weeks, I've travelled over 2000 miles on motorways, every mile with her, in a coma and unable to breathe for herself, on my mind. Every sunrise, sunset, fog, rainstorm, every mile left alone to my thoughts of the past and the uncertainty of the future. 

This afternoon, I saw an impossibly bright, beautiful sky stretch out for what seemed like another thousand miles ahead of me. Utterly dwarved by the enormity of my surroundings, I could feel myself begin to break. Every minute of strength I had mustered crumbled beneath me, as a wave of complete and total sadness overwhelmed my heart. The sleepless nights, the endless fear, the constant stress, every brave smile, every 'yes, fine, thanks'... my mum, my business, my children, every one of my heartbreaking feelings of crushing loneliness, of hopeful longing, of endless waiting... all tumbled tearfully out of me. They came with the realisation that sometimes things just aren't ok. Sometimes things fucking suck, big time. Sometimes they suck giant, fat, hairy balls and no matter how brave you want to be, some things are not fucking ok.

You know what, though? Things don't have to be ok all the time. YOU don't have to be ok all the time.  Life will throw some heavy shit at you; sometimes it will last for what seems like forever. But don't ever forget that eventually you can, and you will, be ok again, because one day, all of this will just be another story. A moment of weakness does not spell the end of your strength: it is reminder of your humanity. Every storm must end ♡



Taking a breath