I started writing this post on February 11th, and I didn't get further than the title. I knew what I wanted to say; I kind of knew how I wanted to say it. I didn't do it, though, and for one simple reason: I felt like too much of a hypocrite. I returned to the post again today, for exactly that same reason. My own hypocrisy has been nibbling away at me.
This post is on the subject of worry, anxiety, unfounded concern; whatever you want to call it, some of us are just more prone to it than others. Some of us become overwhelmed too easily, some of us experience it only when exposed to particular stress factors. Some people don't even feel it; they are confused by the mere concept of worry, and remain unflappable in the face of uncertainty.
Today, as at many points in the last few years, my life is in a state of transition, moving positively forward, but fluid, without a specific plan, but within a framework of expectation. With that, comes turbulence and a temporary lack of clarity. I am prone to getting a teeny bit crazy at this kind of juncture... ok, so that's a massive understatement. I freak the actual fuck out, extrapolate doomsday scenarios far beyond your everyday kind of apocalypse, and I'm all a confused, blind panic, with no foreseeable resolution. Every single bit, imagined.
Our hopes and our dreams for the future can never be wholly mapped out according to our wishes. We cannot be sure that everything will fall into place, either in the way that we wish it to, or in the way that we don't. Whilst this may be frightening, it is also just a fact. Everything in the future is unpredictable. We can take our best guess and we can make educated decisions, but ultimately, every choice is a gamble. Every move may be strategic, but it will never be guaranteed.
Whether you worry, or whether you don't, the time will pass anyway. The moment will come, and the moment will go. There is very little point reaching a peak state of distress regarding something that might just never happen. Whatever position you are aligned with, one day you will look back and everything you are experiencing today will just be another story, another page in a chapter, either ongoing, or long-since closed.
All of this is easy to say, of course. Worry and anxiety are not logical processes. They take place in that one location where you cannot use a bandage or an ointment to make things better - your brain. Remembering that your brain (yes, even *yours*) is wrong sometimes, is helpful. Just because you are having that thought, it doesn't mean it's a fact. It doesn't even mean it's true. Sometimes, your brain just talks shit at you. It thinks it's keeping you safe, when really it's holding you back.
So, this is where I find myself. On the brink of an uncertain, unpredictable, but undoubtedly incredible future. At this point I remind myself that, if this is to be feared, then actually, that just means that the possibilities ahead of me are infinite. The potential for joy is a thousand times more far-reaching than the chance of the opposite. We are only held in this adrenaline-induced state until the point where we can, and must, leap, fly, and thrive.
I know that this mindset is where I need to stay to be cool, and this is why I wrote this post. Next time, if Jo has an apocalyptic freak-out, you can point her in this direction ;) Remember, as the hypocrite inside me keeps telling me, this whole life thing is really just a massive blag. Nobody really knows what they're doing, so we may as well all just try to enjoy the ride.