Based in Frome, somerset, #fitMess is a blog by Joanna Beale. Her posts draw on her work as a personal trainer, as well as her own personal past experience of significant obesity.  Her general focus is overall wellness and body positivity.

Ebb and (finding) flow

I can't help but feel that my last blog was a bit of a buzzkill. I was low! Post-operative recuperation seems frustratingly slow, and if there's one thing I'm not great at, it's stillness. Well, there's something else I'm worse at, and it turns out that's solitude. Combine the two and BAM there's a whiny little Jo begging for some attention. Add a little pain and really, it's my own personal apocalypse. I was going to apologise but I’m not actually sorry. I stand by everything I said, although, yesterday, when I began to feel better, I did feel a tad sheepish about the whole thing. 

To make reparations with the world, I resumed business as usual, across the board. I felt great, got shit done, didn't need any painkillers, and finally felt like I had this recovery thing locked down like my own personal bitch. 

Today, Dear Reader, can you imagine what happened shortly after waking? Within an hour of getting out of bed, there I am, doubled over in pain, begging my 8 year old to do everything that I can't because I'm not able to stand up, while the baby screams to be picked up by arms that have no strength, tears rolling down my face because I realise I Have Overdone It. It was all my fault, not listening to advice.

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After I wrote all that, I talked to a couple of my closest friends about the way that I've been feeling. My own quest for 'perfect healing' and my self flagellation for not being strong enough, quick enough, was a reflection not on my ability to recuperate, but my own unwillingness to care for, and to look after, myself. It was upon this realisation, I decided to begin again. To start afresh with my blog, a new vlog, a new approach, and a new mindset. Check it out below:

Escape

Winter '18