Based in Frome, somerset, #fitMess is a blog by Joanna Beale. Her posts draw on her work as a personal trainer, as well as her own personal past experience of significant obesity.  Her general focus is overall wellness and body positivity.

You know when you write a word a number of times, and it starts looking wrong? Every time I write 'enough', it feels a bit like that. 

First things first: no matter how you feel about what you're about to read, please remember, without a doubt, I am right. Even if you get all twitchy and disagree, I'm still right. You need to get your head around the fact that you are plain fucking wrong.  

Ok. Here's the summary: you are enough. Enough what? Enough damn everything. 

You are beautiful enough. Clever enough. You are parent enough, son or daughter enough, you are not a disappointment. You have nothing more to measure up to. We seek perfection to different degrees, but when we judge it on an unreachable scale, it becomes exhausting and unattainable. You are trying hard enough, if you are trying. 

Today I got myself all in a fucking flap, trying to learn something new. My coach is standing there, trying to encourage me, and I'm ACTUALLY OUT LOUD screaming at myself, frustrated to fuck, desperately trying to get it right. Every day, I'm trying that little bit harder to be taking my own advice, and this morning was one of those moments when it was incredibly difficult. I hate being a newbie; I love learning, but I hate not knowing how to do something right. I feel uncomfortable to be in that position of vulnerability where I feel judged by those cleverer or wiser or just plain fucking better. But that's MY problem. The fact is, nobody is judging me, except for my fiercest critic: me. The only voice telling me I'm not good enough is my own, and this shit has to stop. For me, for you, for anyone you know who struggles with self doubt.

The fact is, if we boil it down just to fitness, there is no elite club. Fitness isn't for this group or that group, it's for everyone. The human body was never meant to be immobile; we're meant to move. There are no beginners, and very few real experts - we're all learning. I'd steer clear of anyone who says they've got all the answers. Olympic athletes need coaches, even they need constant support to get through the days when their best doesn't feel like enough. Nobody gets anywhere without trying, but consistent effort will always, 100% guaranteed, yield results. 

I wanted to stamp my feet and run out, yelling, today, but instead, I kept going. I got a little better. Tomorrow,  I'll get a little better still. In a month, I'll have improved at this... I might have a little bitch tantrum about something else - but I'll keep going.

What is it I want? To keep improving, to get better? To do that, I have to accept perfection can never co-exist as a goal. My best is enough and I have achieved something every time I try. It doesn't need to be perfect, to be perfect.

Dark dawns and facing storms

Baby steps